Or in my case.. better off undertrained and healthy, than injured.. (does that even make sense?)
I thought I would be good to go this week.. or atleast somewhat good. Yesterdays run proved to me that I wasn't going to be able to get in a good run before the marathon (if there was even going to be a marathon).
Yep... I'm contemplating the idea of not showing up. Why? Because I had goals in mind. As arrogant and as self absorbed as it sounds, I had goals I wanted to strive for... despite not being able to finish my training... despite this being my first marathon where my only goal is suppose to be to finish. I had goals that included a sub 4 hour marathon.
And at this point I really think they are out of my reach. Unable to finish a measly 2 miles yesterday without any pain... I cried. I never pictured myself unable to run 2 miles the week before my first marathon. And I am broken. I am completely shattered at the thought that my is body not ready for this... although mentally I am.
No marathon day shoes yet..
No nutrition plan set...
No hydration plan set..
No race day outfit picked out yet..
No Plan.
Although I could easily just skip this marathon.. and pick out another. But it's in a completely new city and state.. the plane tickets are set, the hotel reserved. The money fundraised... I could also just wing it..
At this point. I have one goal. Get better.
If I cannot run 3 miles without any pain days before the marathon... I will not be lining up that morning. Why run a marathon in pain.. at a horrible pace.. and make my injury worse?
Long ago I read a blog somewhere about a guy finishing his first marathon under four hours without ever completing a long run... all he did was cross fit workouts. Amazing as it seems, it probably is do-able. It even gives me hope. Something he had that I don't... a healthy foot. I won't be trying to run anymore.. I am done trying. I think it hurts me more mentally, getting out there and coming back.. limping.. and in tears, with my dreams gone out the window. It hurts to read about everyone else long runs or workouts.. so I'm avoiding dailymile, blogger, twitter and facebook as much as possible.
All I'm hoping for now is a miracle. That I wake up strong and healthy one day... and ready to conquer that marathon.
But as of right now... I am not ready for it.
Why attempt something I know I'm going to fail?
I am sorry to hear that you can't run yet. My heart sank when I read this post, as I was looking forward to reading about your healing progress and eventual marathon. I know exactly how you feel, as I was in "injury jail" up until last week with a marathon looming. I was literally one day away from canceling my marathon trip. You are wise to rest. You don't want to make you injury worse and have to take several months off from running instead of passing on the marathon and missing only a few weeks. You will get better, 99.9% of running injuries heal. There will be many many marathons in your future, maybe just not this one.
ReplyDeleteOh gosh! I hope you have that miracle! Because if you cannot run 3 miles w/o pain, that marathon should not happen, like you said. Ugh! I hoped you were getting better :(
ReplyDeleteEven if it doesn't happen, your dream is NOT out the window! It's just going to happen another day...maybe a better day that was pre-determined to be YOUR day! You won't fail either way, but definitely don't attempt anything that might hurt you more! THE marathon is waiting for you when you're ready - don't be too hard on yourself <3
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